Resume Writing Advice

Within a person’s life, there are numerous responsibilities and goals the person wants to attain. These responsibilities and goals are called “rocks”. These rocks can range from the most important things in our life to a mere obligation you accomplish on a regular basis. In my life I have very many big, small and medium “rocks” to accomplish. My big rocks are education, family and friends, and the need to make a difference in the world.

Education is a big rock in my life because as an aspiring lawyer, I want to be successful. The key to success is education and self-power. Education is so important to me because it is such a powerful form of knowledge gain. It helps me build strong opinions and perspectives, it teaches me lessons that prepare me for the future, and it teaches me about the world around me. A goal I have set forth for myself is getting a scholarship to university. My dream is to go to Yale University in New Haven, U.S, because they have an absurd law program, rated number one for educational quality. From the first time I saw the school’s tall red-bricked tower with a tremendous silver clock, and the football sized field with its long soft-looking grass, I knew that’s where I want to be. I also like the idea of a big university because I like to study with other people and I don’t get distracted. It helps me develop speaking skills and prepare me so that I am twice as successful. Success is more important than people think; because I will one day need money to pay for food, shelter, clothes, health care and other financial needs. Success also helps you get more involved and make a difference.

After learning about the genocide going on in Darfur, Africa, I was determined to help the fight. Was the holocaust not painful enough? Did the world not suffer from enough hate and excruciation? Can you even imagine kids around 10 years of age so skinny you can see they’re bones carrying a baby and caring for it? Apparently the world hasn’t thought of that image. I quickly understood the harmful and distressed situation was not going to fix itself; I need to stick up for what I believe in. What I believe in does not include the Jewish religion, or that lottery tickets should be printed on 100% recycled paper, but it includes for say, the [RED] organization, and important charity causes such as cancer, poverty, Darfur, environment and orphanage needs. It is important to help make a difference because it makes our countries nicer to live in and people kinder and happier. Moreover, with the right path to success, I will have more power and connections to help. I hope one day I am able to help clean up communities and organize soup kitchens, and give shelter to the poor, but most importantly, to convince others to join in, bring their families and friends, and just have fun. Having family and friends is a personal big rock, and a must-have in Karin’s survival guide.

The third big rock in my life is my family and friends. This big rock is very important to me, and I will always cherish it. My family and friends are like the star to my burst. Without them, I wouldn’t be a very happy person. I am so grateful to even have these people in my life, as many do not, and even more grateful they care about me too. My friends and relatives set examples for me and footprints to follow in, and are amazing role models. For example, I would love to clone Vanessa’s social skills, but Farnaz’s determination and perseverance. I love Samantha’s funny and witty attitude towards everything, and wish to replicate Jasmin’s cool and collected sense of style. I am grateful to have my friends set models for me, and that my family is there to give me advice and help me move on in life. They are wonderful in supporting me, both financially and emotionally. It is such an important thing to have, and I care about my relationships very much.

I hope in 10 years you will see me, and I would be able to tell you about my many accomplishments, and how I left a positive mark on our planet earth, succeeded at university, and kept strong relationships with family and friends. I thank the writer of the story “The big rocks of life” and hope one day, I will have built a strong education and have the self-knowledge to write such a powerful piece. It was really touching.

Just in reply to Aki F’s response:
I’m in grade 8, so 12 years old.
I’m not exactly sure what the hook is what what uniform 3 is, so if you could explain that would be nice. Also, I know it’s pretty long and not arguing anything, but we were forced to write about this topic, so I didn’t have much of a say in this, and we had to have 3 main and 3 supporting points . So, it would be really helpful if you told me what uniform 3 is and what a hook is. THANKS.

For one thing, never ask questions in an essay that aren’t answered. You do ask questions in an essay, and you don’t answer them. I think your hook can be better, stronger. That’s a "no duh!" kind of hook.

This essay is way too uniform. I have no idea what grade you are in, but this is so middle school. Break away from the uniformity by not doing something so obvious. It’s possible to write an amazing essay without using the uniform three.

For another thing, it’s long and rambling. Sometimes when writing an essay, especially with a topic like this, you want to be short and right to the point. If you had a serious topic, like abortion or something controversial, it could get away with being longer, but since you’re not arguing any points and you’re just explaining something, an essay like this is better left short.

Don’t ever use the word "thing" in an essay. It is too vague. Don’t do nothing, something, thing, anything…ect…

Always spell out your numbers in an essay.

Never use contractions in a formal piece of writing.

Avoid qualifiers in an essay. Do not say apparently, that sounds too hesitant. In any formal piece of writing, you want to speak as if you are sure that you know what you’re talking about. Really is also a qualifier. Any words that emphasizes your point such as very, really, actually, ect…is a qualifier. If you want to make it known, use a stronger synonym of the word in which you tried to use a qualifier on.

I also believe that adverbs (like quickly) in an essay are pointless.

All in all, this essay needs serious trimming and you need to break out of the uniform three. If you’re in high school, you would be wise to start doing that. It is possible to break out of the uniform three. Back when I was in the 8th grade, one of the biggest reasons I scored perfect on my writing exam was because I broke out of the uniform three, and no one taught me how to do it. In fact, they drilled the uniform three in our heads, but I knew there was something wrong with it because it made all the essays the same.\

EDIT: The hook is what catches the reader’s attention. It’s the first sentence of your essay. The uniform three is just that: three supporting points with three supporting paragraphs on those points. I think your teacher will be even more impressed if you mentioned those three points without being so uniform.

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