How to make people impress with our resume writing??

I’m writing a resume… and needed to fill up my CAREER FOCUS section. I write them as:

Short to Medium Term Goal
"Becoming an efficient and effective engineering in building foundation towards a management resource in an engineering function"

Long Term Goal/Career Anchor
"Attaining a level of Head of Organization and lead the multi functions that combine the Technical and Commercial functions"

Does anyone here know how to improve these two sentences to make it look good/more professional.. and to influence the employer to hire me??
Short to Medium Term Goal:
I’m trying to say that I want to become an engineer who is able to do work within an engineer job scope independently with minimal mistake/error (the words "efficient" and "effective") and at the same time, I want to learn everything about management (the words "building foundation towards a management"). I want to manage things that involve engineering works i.e creating work orders, giving training to the new engineer, managing a factory etc. (I put the words "resource in an engineering function")

Long Term Goal/Career Anchor
I’m trying to say that after I have involved with engineering works for sometime, I want to proceed my career by becoming a leader of an organisation ("Attaining a level of Head of Organization") and do a multi functions job which involved my engineering skills & knowledge (the word "technical" is used) together with my managing skills to increase the company’s profit and move the company forward (the word "Commercial function")

I assume that you are an engineer. Too bad the school you attended did not put at least some emphasis on writing. These sentences are so poor that I could not even begin to edit them. Start over, write the way you talk. Head of Organization is just so awful – try leader. Really read your first sentence – do you really mean effective engineering – it doesn’t make sense.

I would suggest you prepare your resume and then go to the career center at your college for tips.

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2 comments to How to make people impress with our resume writing??

  • infoman89032

    why not write it like you wrote it here look good so far
    References :

  • butter1944fly

    I assume that you are an engineer. Too bad the school you attended did not put at least some emphasis on writing. These sentences are so poor that I could not even begin to edit them. Start over, write the way you talk. Head of Organization is just so awful – try leader. Really read your first sentence – do you really mean effective engineering – it doesn’t make sense.

    I would suggest you prepare your resume and then go to the career center at your college for tips.
    References :

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