How do you accept yourself and build self esteem?
my self esteem is very low. In theory i know there are good things about me- but i feel a constant pressure to be superhuman and the best, and hate myself for always falling short of my expectations. How do i just learn to like who i am, and start showing that to people, instead of constantly worrying?
the only one putting pressure on you to be superhuman is yourself, so stop it. What I did was choose small reasonable goals that I could succeed at meeting on a daily basis. Over time the goals got bigger and success at them, built on achieving the smaller goals built my self esteem. I learned also that i had to be my own best friend, that no one was going to come to my rescue, so I starting treating myself the way I would a best friend, literally. If I felt bad, I offered myself consolation, when I did something well, I would praise myself, and when i had a special event I would treat myself….just as I would my best friend. It’s about small steps, not being super human all at one time, which none of us ever achieves. I managed to raise two children alone, go to nursing school and now am managing a clinic. My self esteem is fine, so I know it can be done. But it isn’t going to happen over night and you have to make a commitment to yourself, stop looking to others for an opinion, rely on your own good opinion and you will do fine.
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10 comments to How do you accept yourself and build self esteem?
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I like the EFT method……one can learn it , write down everything bothering them , etc…..and apply it to themselves when they have the time…..it works to remove the negative,and one can reframe and add positive accepting things…….. it seriously works well……..just keep a notebook of what you have covered……
the site below is closing march 1st due to retirement…….get the free manuals, read the stories, watch the free videos, before then
The only other thing is conventional therapy, which you can also combine with eft if you want to
happy new year
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http://www.emofree.com
You can start by making a pro / con sheet. On one side list the good qualities you have and on the other list the things you think are negative. Then start by trying to eliminate the negative qualities and build on your positive points.
Its very difficult to raise or help someone raise their self esteem, but just know that you want to do this is a good sign, stop expecting too much of yourself, none of us are super human.
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There is no real wonderful answer to this.
I will say this, I DO know how you feel. Eventually you won’t feel that way anymore. As you age that feeling subsides. I myself know there are things about me that are wonderful. Such I am a good listener, I am a talented artist, I am kind of good looking. Even despite that, I feel inadequate. I feel like I should do better, that everyone is better than me. It was worse when I was younger.
You see as you age, you learn to care less about what others think of you and more about what you should be worrying about, such as finances, children, your job. When you’re young you are still just finding who you are and who you will be for the rest of your life. You have tons of free time to let your mind wonder and you tend to compare yourself to others.
For instance, if you set your goal too high you will fall short, and then feel badly. Try setting your goal a little bit lower, to a goal that can be surely reached.
In due time you won’t care anymore and you will just go along your way, being who you are and who you were meant to be. All of this is very normal and every person deals with it at some point in their life. It will happen gradually. Just relax and not worry so much. I still do it, but not as bad, as I said it get betters with time, practice, and age.
You can also take a journal and write stuff down. It’s self therapy and is helpful.
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Has felt the same way and has learned to deal with it some over the years.
the only one putting pressure on you to be superhuman is yourself, so stop it. What I did was choose small reasonable goals that I could succeed at meeting on a daily basis. Over time the goals got bigger and success at them, built on achieving the smaller goals built my self esteem. I learned also that i had to be my own best friend, that no one was going to come to my rescue, so I starting treating myself the way I would a best friend, literally. If I felt bad, I offered myself consolation, when I did something well, I would praise myself, and when i had a special event I would treat myself….just as I would my best friend. It’s about small steps, not being super human all at one time, which none of us ever achieves. I managed to raise two children alone, go to nursing school and now am managing a clinic. My self esteem is fine, so I know it can be done. But it isn’t going to happen over night and you have to make a commitment to yourself, stop looking to others for an opinion, rely on your own good opinion and you will do fine.
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RN
You have asked a great question and I want you to know that I realize it took a lot of courage to do so. I commend you for it.
You aren’t alone … There are so many people on this great planet of ours who are lacking in self esteem. They think that they aren’t good enough or are failing in something. That’s not true. I have friends who feel they aren’t important and they are! All of my friends are important to me. I need them to keep me level and happy!
I get depressed sometimes … and I try to be upbeat but it does get hard.
You just keep telling yourself that you are important and that you do have value. Do things that make you feel happy and joyous and stop trying to meet unneeded expectations.
Guess what!? Pay attention to what you do that is successful … and be happy about that.
Don’t dwell on the so called failures (I think of them as the pre-trip before the actual journey)
If you don’t make it the first time so what? Do it again and again until you do make it.
It will get better … just have a little extra patience and you will get there.
My grandmother used to say to me :
Before the day comes the hour, the minute, the second … There is always the beginning before the ending.
I know you can do it … because you want to. I know you want to … because you asked the question.
I won’t wish you good luck … because you don’t need it.
You’ll just do it! (smiling)
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I know where you’re coming from, I have the same problems except mine is very random. If the people around you are making you feel this way, get away from them. Be with people that make you smile and laugh and that make you feel good about yourself. Also, do activities or hobbies that you excell in, anything that proves to you that you’re an awesome human being! You were made on this earth for a purpose, and find out what you’re good at! Nobody is perfect, trust me I can’t believe I just quoted from a teen pop star, but for once she’s right. You can’t be this "superhuman" but you sure as hell can try your best. Accept yourself for who you are, because once you start having confidence in yourself, so will others. The list of pros and cons, is a good idea. Or look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are bright,you are handsome, you are someone important. Keep doing this untill you can walk with your head up high. Don’t give up on yourself, just like Dory from Finding Nemo said, just keep swimming. Life is like a big ocean, there are big and little fish, but no matter what, you gotta look at yourself as a big fish, so then the little fish can look up to you. Yes, there are ups and downs but remember you just gotta keep swimming.
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Hi Meena. I too suffer from low self-esteem. I think that you need to work with a counselor to discover the source of your low self-esteem. I grew up in an abusive home. My mother verbally, mentally, and sometimes physically abused me, and she still screams, yells, criticizes, discourages, and demeans me whenever she has the opportunity. As a result, I grew up thinking that there was something inherently wrong with me which set me up for other abusive relationships.
I began to realize how my childhood affected my adult relationships and decisions when I was 28 years old. I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship with a boyfriend, and I went to live at home again with my mother. I relived my childhood all over again — except with the reasoning skills of an adult. I remember having lunch with a friend and reenacting an incident where my mother had screamed at me for washing the kitchen floor, and my friend said, "That’s abuse." I had never put that label on my mother before that day.
Once you identify the source of your self-esteem issues, a counselor can help you develop a healthy sense of self. Through the help of friends and a counselor, I realized that I believed the lies my mother told me. I didn’t think I was a person worthy of love and respect, so, when I got into an abusive relationship, I continued to stay. The more I subjected myself to abuse, the worse I felt about myself. And the worse I felt about myself, the more likely I became to stay in other abusive relationships. It was a downward spiral.
I began to think about how someone has a healthy sense of self, and I believe that it comes from having parents who love and encourage you. We are all interconnected and dependent on one another, and I believe that we need to be able to rely emotionally on others in a healthy way. Although I will probably never have a mother who wants me to be happy and successful in life, I can surround myself with friends who DO have my best interest at heart. I can draw my self-esteem from loving and supportive people. I also learned to cut off contact or distance myself from toxic people.
Obviously this is something that I continue to struggle with. For example, I live far from my mother now, but I went home over the holidays. She made a comment that a guy I had never met "wasn’t interested in me" and that I was "too old for him". Her message, of course, is that I’m an undesirable person, and I have failed to get married and have children due to a lack of desirable qualities. I ended up crying all night, and I have been depressed and unmotivated for over a week now. That’s why it’s important to protect yourself. I like to think of the Bible verse, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23
Although I don’t know your specific situation, I hope that what I’ve learned from many years of experience and advice from wise friends helps.
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hey ummmm to be honest about this whole situation, i think that your problem is that your not confident in yourself…..Ive had this problem before and i got though it by believing in myself, and to think that i am just as good enough as anyone else. To think that your the only one with this problem is a total false thing…..many people think, "if people are going through this, why aren’t they like me?" well that’s because they got through it by thinking to be confident and satisfied by who u r and why god has created u for a specific reason.
i hope this would help……sorry if it doesn’t.
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i think its easier just to cut yourself and btich about it all day
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Screw what others think of you! You be who you are, and be proud of it!
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